Sure-fire Goal-setting (or, how to actually get somewhere)

Is this you?

“LITERALLY every single day these past two weeks, my man and I have had many goal-setting sessions. What results is having to choose which four things to say “no” to so that we can say a big “yes” to one.

“At these times, I find my brain training has to go into overdrive because there is this background “feeling” that feels like . . .

“I’m letting people down.”
“I’m letting things fall through the cracks.”
“I’m not present and enjoying this moment.”

2104126378_5b5c50a668_zThis quote came from one of my mentors, Dana Wilde, who has a wonderful program called Train Your Brain, which teaches techniques to help you control your thoughts and align them with your goals on the outside (conscious) and the goals of our true self (unconscious).

Goal-setting has been swirling through my head for many months due to the numerous things vying for my attention. And I don’t even have a regular J.O.B where I have to go to an office and carry out somebody else’s agenda. I work for myself. So why can’t I get my conscious self to align with my inside self and optimize my goal-setting?goal setting

Apparently there’s an underlying fear, anxiety, second-guessing and interruptions by my ego saying, “You should be doing this; you should be doing that; don’t forget you have to…”

That’s when Dana suggests we do this:

Remind yourself that you’re doing the best that you can.
Remind yourself that if you have to say “no” to invites, people understand.
They want to see you, but the fun doesn’t end if you’re not there and they love you no matter what.

Remind yourself that you have more time than you realize.
Time is relative, and when you’re rushed, it speeds up and when you pause, and breathe it slows down.

Intentionally slow down time by relaxing … for … one … moment … right … now.
Breathe again.

You are exercising your priorities.

The most important things always get done.
You are making good choices.
You know when to act and when to rest.
You are finding time pockets of relaxation and time pockets of fun.

All is well.

Dana Wilde

Setting goals, prioritizing them and making conscious decisions (and sticking by them) doesn’t come easily for some of us; the more we think about it the more difficult it gets. But one way to get yourself out of this quicksand (and I do this) is stopping what we’re doing, getting a cup of coffee or a glass of water, (changing one’s environment and walking around helps a lot), then sitting comfortably in my chair with a notebook, list out what we think is important to get done at that very hour.  (I go no further than the hour because that gets me in trouble.)

Any other items that don’t have to be done at that hour get listed under “Do Today,” “Do This Week,” or “Do This Month.”

Then I stop and try to empty my mind for 5 minutes, just breathing slowly and deeply. This allows any forgotten items wriggle inside my now-cleared mind. I then write those items down.

If something was not at the forefront of our mind it’s most likely not important according to our Unconscious Mind – the mind that makes things happen. So now, relaxed and at peace, we can look at the list and actually decide and direct the Unconscious Mind to get working on the items that our Conscious Mind has deemed important.

I used to tell a friend of mine, who had the habit of attacking a “to do” list for the day that would take two weeks to accomplish, “If you were a boss, would you give your employee all those things to do in one day?” She’d giggle and say no. I’d say, “Then why are you being such a mean boss to yourself?”

We were brought up, at least in America, to think that if we’re not struggling we’re not doing enough. Bunk. If we’re struggling, there’s something wrong. Who wants to struggle day after day after day?

I remember a book that came out a long time ago called “How To Be Your Own Best Friend.” Know when it was published? 1971. Just as relevant today as 46 years ago.

If we’re not a friend to ourselves, it spills over in our relations with other people, especially ones who are closest to us. How can we be loving and giving when we How to be Your Own Best Frienddon’t even love and give to ourselves? If we don’t give to ourselves willingly, then we tend to “reward” to ourselves when our willpower weakens – and eat a pint of ice cream, candy, or drink too much alcohol – things “we can’t help ourselves doing.”

That’s the time to remember:

The most important things always get done.  Really.
Breathe.  Relax.  
There is fun to be had right now at this moment, no matter where you are.


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